Things I'm Thankful For....

G's cousins....he has so much fun with them! I love watching him interact with them, like he is such a big boy.

Thanksgiving was a couple days ago and while it's hard to be totally happy, there are things that I'm thankful for...and things that I do not want to take for granted. I want to take this time and say a prayer for my little brother Taylor, he passed away in 08' at the age of 18. He is greatly missed by our family. If you are a praying person please say a prayer for my dear mother. I know my parents will always feel an ache in their hearts but with prayer and faith they can and will still go on.

Lately, I've been looking at my husband when he doesn't know it...I'm taking in every morsel of his being. I never want to close my eyes and not see him...I have to admit there have been valleys in our relationship where I've taken him for granted. I seriously do not know what I did to deserve such an amazing man. We have been through more than the average relationship could ever handle, yet we persevere. For this I am so very THANKFUL!

As for my little guy, words can not describe how THANKFUL I am! Everyday I thank G-d for bring him into our lives. While I may not be a perfect mother, I am a good mother and I love my little boy to the ends of the earth. He makes each and every day a better day. My life was forever changed the day he entered my life...he is my heart, my soul...my everything!

I also want to give thanks for my parents. They have been so supportive throughout the years, I don't know if they fully understand how much we love and appreciate everything they do for us. They are wonderful to my husband and they are great grandparents to G. He loves them and they love and truly adore him! I'm so blessed and so thankful!

Cough much?

Oh my gosh, I feel like my head is going to pop off! My poor baby G has had a terrible cough for two weeks. I called our peds' office and the nurse said to keep an eye out for fevers and wheezing. He has had neither....thank goodness. Unfortunately we are now all sick (and tired). My husband has bronchitis and is now on an inhaler. I've been coughing non-stop. You know that irritating tickle in your throat, where each time you take a breath you can't help but have a coughing fit. I've been downing cough syrup, I'm afraid I'm going to overdose...lol. Really though it makes me sad that G has been suffering for two weeks. I have noticed that today he was coughing a lot less. I pray that he is on the road to recovery!
Since my husband was feeling so horrible this past weekend, I decided to make him chicken and vegetable soup. I'm so glad I did, it was great and hit the spot. We've all lost our appetite but this was so good and totally filling. I love cooking for my family.

I took a couple pictures of my soup. It was good!!!

What a big pot of soup...too bad it's all gone.



A and I had two bowls...yum!

Thanks....

Thanks for helping me put things into perspective...I was totally starting to freak out. It's weird too b/c when we first spoke with our SW, she made it clear it would take a while for a placement that fit our criteria. I think getting all those calls for sibling groups really started to throw me off. After all I would love to save all those children but I know we can't at this time.
I've decided to call our SW on Friday, just to touch base. We are definitely in no hurry, I've just become a little anxious lately. I can't wait to have another child. When I'm shopping I can't help but look at all the little girl outfits. And of course seeing all those little cuties at the play area in the mall doesn't help. But for now I'm going to chill out and go with the flow. Like Nikki said, sometimes a placement can take up to a year but it will happen.

What's going on???

I'm so confused and don't know who to talk to or what to do. If you have any words of wisdom please feel free to leave a comment.

A and I are in the process of fostering to adopt (we think). We kind of "fell" into fostering, if you are not familiar we HAD to get licensed when we became legal guardians/foster parents to our two nieces. They lived with us from May 08' to May 09'. We never really thought about fostering before but since we are licensed and really want to grow our family, I convinced A to attempt adopting our second child this way. Honestly we have different views on it but we have somehow come to a middle ground and decided to go for it.

A is worried about falling in love with a child only to have the child taken from us. This is understandable but I feel like we will have plenty of time to come to terms if a child does in fact go home. I'm also trying to make him understand that we kind of have to go into it with reunification in mind since that is the ultimate goal of our foster care system.
A also does not want a child older than G. He feels very strong that G should be the eldest. At first I did not understand this...this time around it does not feel vital for me to have a newborn. Don't get me wrong, I would love any child including a newborn, I just know that I can love an older child too. But then I listen to A and it makes sense. He feels like during the first year of G's life, we were more focused on our nieces. Which is true in some ways, but he was young, he will not remember that...A also really wants G to be the first to do many things, like play baseball or go to school. It's really sweet of him but not all that practical if/when adopting through FC. He also would like to provide foster care to only one child. So if you think about it, we are really limiting ourselves....one child, less than 21 months old.

When we talked with our placement social worker (SW), she stated that she will try to accommodate our needs but that it might take awhile. We have officially been waiting since the 1st of October, so it hasn't been all that long. The thing is....I'm afraid we made the placement SWer's mad. You see they called several times with sibling groups and I turned them down....as hard as that is...I did. For the last four weeks they have not called at all. The last call, I never returned b/c somehow I skipped the vm. It was for a sister sibling group, they were three and five. I honestly would have twisted A's arm to let him live here but like I said I somehow skipped the message and didn't get it for a few days. When I finally heard it, it was so many days later I didn't bother to call. Now Nothing!
I also have a second theory...maybe they are not mad, they just realize that Andre we do not want a sibling group.
I've been thinking about calling to clear up my concerns. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn't mind a sibling group, maybe I could convince A. After all we are older and we really want three or four kids so why not? We had three kids for a year and even though it was stressful, I know we could manage. The thing that I have to definitely keep in mind is that our decisions also effect my mother. She has watched G while I work since he was born and I know she would watch another child but two...not so sure.
In a nutshell, I want to call B.ethany but I also don't know how many more sibling groups I can turn down. I love my family and definitely want more kids, this seems to me like the obvious choice...now why can't A open his heart just a little more and not be so restrictive????

He makes me laugh!!!!

We went to the mall today. We were bored and needed to get out of the house. We went to the play area but G was not really in the mood to play. So we sat in the middle near Hollister and had some snacks. G was loving the music the store was playing and he was in a silly mood. Here is proof...he made me laugh so much today. I love him and will never get enough...

Parenting...

Have I told you lately that parenting is hard...? I love my little man, no doubt about it but dang...there are days when I can't keep up or when I'm left wondering what's wrong with my little man? Let me break it down for you a little more.....

Things that can sometimes be stressful...

1. Whining....omg, if Handy Manny isn't on or The Mickey Mouse Club isn't on (he can be playing with a toy but needs it on in the background), then it's over!
2. If he is done with cartoons and mommy isn't paying 100% attention to G, then it's over!
3. If G is playing with a puzzle and he can't fit a piece in....well, then it's over!
4. If G all the sudden wants his shoes on and mommy can't put them on fast enough...it's over!
5. How about all the times he gets up on the couch, then wants to get down, then up again, then down...up, down, up, down, up, down...you get the picture...it's over.
6. In the mornings, if he doesn't want to eat in the dining room (he'd rather eat in the living room, just like his daddy with Law and Order on...I mean Handy Manny or Micky Mouse on) and it doesn't happen...yeah, it's over.
7. Oh what about getting ready for the day? G has to know what I'm doing at all times, if I take too long he cries. I've learned to get already in 15-20 minutes.
8. Have you ever folded fresh from the dryer clothes? They feel so warm and since you are folding them when they are still warm there are no wrinkles - except for the ones that your child creates...yeah, he sees a neatly folded stack of laundry and he feels the urge to DESTROY it! I've learned to fold REALLY FAST and to keep one eye on G. G the destroyer!
9. This is a rather new one but it's probably taking the most toll on us. G wakes up every night around 1 or 2am and cries until we go in his room. I can rock him forever but as soon as I try to put him down he pops up. It's like he has some sort of built in mommy and daddy radar. Then (like this morning) he is up at 6am. Needless to say we are tired!
10. G is at the age where he is testing his limits. I tell him no but he will still do whatever it is...while looking at me. It's like he is saying "what are you going to do about it" with his eyes. ARGH!
11. Do any of you have a toddler permanently wrapped around your ankles? Some days I can't walk b/c he wrapped his little arms around my legs so tight...."mommy up, mommy up". This usually happens when need to wash the dishes or make dinner.

Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining, I'm just letting you know the reality of my day/life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. However parenting is a lot tougher than I'd ever imagine. I give all mothers a shout out, keep up the good work! Now let's get to the awesome stuff....

1. I love when G wakes up and I go into his room and he greets me with the biggest smile. :) Sometimes I crack the door up a bit and play peek-a-boo with him, he loves it.
2. I love when he gives me a bear hug. He wraps his little arms around my neck so tight.
3. And his kisses...omg, he puckers up so cutely. Who could resist? I swear I kiss him a million times a day.
4. I love when he wants to relax he scoots into my lap and lays back on my chest.
5. Sometimes he'll lay his head on my should and go "awwwwwww".
6. Lately he has been pressing his forehead against mine and he rubs his nose on mine....I love it, I'm trying to teach him that is called Eskimo kissing!
7. I love looking into his big dark brown eyes. Actually I love just staring at his cute little face. He's perfect in everywhere...gosh, I'm tearing up just thinking about him. God is good!
8. I love that he tickles me and says, "tickle, tickle, tickle, dee"
9. The sound of his laughter makes my heart smile.
10. I love watching him explore the house and his toys. Just watching him figure stuff out is amazing.
11. I love that he loves to dance, I hope he never stops. Lately he is trying to clap on beat. I'll have to get it on video, maybe one day he is going to be in the music industry or a dancer.
12. How about if/when he gets hurt, he comes straight to me for a kiss. I love that my kisses make him all better!
13. I love love love the way he calls 'mommy' or daddee', it's so cute! Hearing him call me is definitely something I've long to hear forever...our dreams have come true.



These are just a few things that I will never take for granted. So there you have it, I have good and bad days but I'm loving every minute of it. I will never forget the heartache of IF but finally having a son has taken away so much of the pain, I am thankful that A and I never gave up on having children. I am a better/happier person because of G, I'm so proud of him and I always want him to be proud of me.


Edited to add:

AT TIMES REALITY HITS ME....I'M A PARENT!?!?!?! I'M A MOM!?!?! IT'S THE COOLEST THING EVER!

Halloween!

Since it was cold and wet outside last night we went to one of the local malls, where we met my cousin P and her two daughters K and A. There were quite a few stores handing out candy. G was in awe of all the kids and the costumes. Before we went we stopped at my parents for some pizza and pumpkin pie. My mom and dad were going to a costume party (not sure if they actually went) and had two clown costumes. So of course G seen them and had to try on the wig and shoes. He really didn't like the wig but we managed to get a good pic of him with it on and the shoes....lol :)
G didn't do to bad at the mall either. I say this b/c he didn't take a nap all day. So I thought for sure we'd get there and have to leave right away but nope...he made it! We had a lot of fun, there were some great costumes and all the kids seem to be having a ball.
We got home about 6:30pm and decided it wasn't to late to hand out candy. It was cold but I seen some kids outside on the way home, we only had 4 groups of kids come to the house. I felt bad for them so I gave them handfuls of candy, if I hadn't we'd have to much candy around the house. I'd probably end up with a cavity.;)

G at Grandma's house trying on her costume...



G showing off at Grrandma's house...the costume has little white mittens too but he would not keep them on. I figured the hat was pushing it enough. :)



Just getting to the mall...G was so apprehensive....



What's going on Mom?



G's cousins K and A.....G was suppose to be in this pic but he started crying and ran to me.



After a while G took off his hat too. We all thought it was funny that K was holding G's spider hand...lol. He looks a little confused.



G and his daddy...look at all the kids...OMG! It was busy!