Monday, November 16, 2009

What's going on???

I'm so confused and don't know who to talk to or what to do. If you have any words of wisdom please feel free to leave a comment.

A and I are in the process of fostering to adopt (we think). We kind of "fell" into fostering, if you are not familiar we HAD to get licensed when we became legal guardians/foster parents to our two nieces. They lived with us from May 08' to May 09'. We never really thought about fostering before but since we are licensed and really want to grow our family, I convinced A to attempt adopting our second child this way. Honestly we have different views on it but we have somehow come to a middle ground and decided to go for it.

A is worried about falling in love with a child only to have the child taken from us. This is understandable but I feel like we will have plenty of time to come to terms if a child does in fact go home. I'm also trying to make him understand that we kind of have to go into it with reunification in mind since that is the ultimate goal of our foster care system.
A also does not want a child older than G. He feels very strong that G should be the eldest. At first I did not understand this...this time around it does not feel vital for me to have a newborn. Don't get me wrong, I would love any child including a newborn, I just know that I can love an older child too. But then I listen to A and it makes sense. He feels like during the first year of G's life, we were more focused on our nieces. Which is true in some ways, but he was young, he will not remember that...A also really wants G to be the first to do many things, like play baseball or go to school. It's really sweet of him but not all that practical if/when adopting through FC. He also would like to provide foster care to only one child. So if you think about it, we are really limiting ourselves....one child, less than 21 months old.

When we talked with our placement social worker (SW), she stated that she will try to accommodate our needs but that it might take awhile. We have officially been waiting since the 1st of October, so it hasn't been all that long. The thing is....I'm afraid we made the placement SWer's mad. You see they called several times with sibling groups and I turned them down....as hard as that is...I did. For the last four weeks they have not called at all. The last call, I never returned b/c somehow I skipped the vm. It was for a sister sibling group, they were three and five. I honestly would have twisted A's arm to let him live here but like I said I somehow skipped the message and didn't get it for a few days. When I finally heard it, it was so many days later I didn't bother to call. Now Nothing!
I also have a second theory...maybe they are not mad, they just realize that Andre we do not want a sibling group.
I've been thinking about calling to clear up my concerns. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn't mind a sibling group, maybe I could convince A. After all we are older and we really want three or four kids so why not? We had three kids for a year and even though it was stressful, I know we could manage. The thing that I have to definitely keep in mind is that our decisions also effect my mother. She has watched G while I work since he was born and I know she would watch another child but two...not so sure.
In a nutshell, I want to call B.ethany but I also don't know how many more sibling groups I can turn down. I love my family and definitely want more kids, this seems to me like the obvious choice...now why can't A open his heart just a little more and not be so restrictive????

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

He makes me laugh!!!!

We went to the mall today. We were bored and needed to get out of the house. We went to the play area but G was not really in the mood to play. So we sat in the middle near Hollister and had some snacks. G was loving the music the store was playing and he was in a silly mood. Here is proof...he made me laugh so much today. I love him and will never get enough...


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Parenting...

Have I told you lately that parenting is hard...? I love my little man, no doubt about it but dang...there are days when I can't keep up or when I'm left wondering what's wrong with my little man? Let me break it down for you a little more.....

Things that can sometimes be stressful...

1. Whining....omg, if Handy Manny isn't on or The Mickey Mouse Club isn't on (he can be playing with a toy but needs it on in the background), then it's over!
2. If he is done with cartoons and mommy isn't paying 100% attention to G, then it's over!
3. If G is playing with a puzzle and he can't fit a piece in....well, then it's over!
4. If G all the sudden wants his shoes on and mommy can't put them on fast enough...it's over!
5. How about all the times he gets up on the couch, then wants to get down, then up again, then down...up, down, up, down, up, down...you get the picture...it's over.
6. In the mornings, if he doesn't want to eat in the dining room (he'd rather eat in the living room, just like his daddy with Law and Order on...I mean Handy Manny or Micky Mouse on) and it doesn't happen...yeah, it's over.
7. Oh what about getting ready for the day? G has to know what I'm doing at all times, if I take too long he cries. I've learned to get already in 15-20 minutes.
8. Have you ever folded fresh from the dryer clothes? They feel so warm and since you are folding them when they are still warm there are no wrinkles - except for the ones that your child creates...yeah, he sees a neatly folded stack of laundry and he feels the urge to DESTROY it! I've learned to fold REALLY FAST and to keep one eye on G. G the destroyer!
9. This is a rather new one but it's probably taking the most toll on us. G wakes up every night around 1 or 2am and cries until we go in his room. I can rock him forever but as soon as I try to put him down he pops up. It's like he has some sort of built in mommy and daddy radar. Then (like this morning) he is up at 6am. Needless to say we are tired!
10. G is at the age where he is testing his limits. I tell him no but he will still do whatever it is...while looking at me. It's like he is saying "what are you going to do about it" with his eyes. ARGH!
11. Do any of you have a toddler permanently wrapped around your ankles? Some days I can't walk b/c he wrapped his little arms around my legs so tight...."mommy up, mommy up". This usually happens when need to wash the dishes or make dinner.

Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining, I'm just letting you know the reality of my day/life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. However parenting is a lot tougher than I'd ever imagine. I give all mothers a shout out, keep up the good work! Now let's get to the awesome stuff....

1. I love when G wakes up and I go into his room and he greets me with the biggest smile. :) Sometimes I crack the door up a bit and play peek-a-boo with him, he loves it.
2. I love when he gives me a bear hug. He wraps his little arms around my neck so tight.
3. And his kisses...omg, he puckers up so cutely. Who could resist? I swear I kiss him a million times a day.
4. I love when he wants to relax he scoots into my lap and lays back on my chest.
5. Sometimes he'll lay his head on my should and go "awwwwwww".
6. Lately he has been pressing his forehead against mine and he rubs his nose on mine....I love it, I'm trying to teach him that is called Eskimo kissing!
7. I love looking into his big dark brown eyes. Actually I love just staring at his cute little face. He's perfect in everywhere...gosh, I'm tearing up just thinking about him. God is good!
8. I love that he tickles me and says, "tickle, tickle, tickle, dee"
9. The sound of his laughter makes my heart smile.
10. I love watching him explore the house and his toys. Just watching him figure stuff out is amazing.
11. I love that he loves to dance, I hope he never stops. Lately he is trying to clap on beat. I'll have to get it on video, maybe one day he is going to be in the music industry or a dancer.
12. How about if/when he gets hurt, he comes straight to me for a kiss. I love that my kisses make him all better!
13. I love love love the way he calls 'mommy' or daddee', it's so cute! Hearing him call me is definitely something I've long to hear forever...our dreams have come true.



These are just a few things that I will never take for granted. So there you have it, I have good and bad days but I'm loving every minute of it. I will never forget the heartache of IF but finally having a son has taken away so much of the pain, I am thankful that A and I never gave up on having children. I am a better/happier person because of G, I'm so proud of him and I always want him to be proud of me.


Edited to add:

AT TIMES REALITY HITS ME....I'M A PARENT!?!?!?! I'M A MOM!?!?! IT'S THE COOLEST THING EVER!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Halloween!

Since it was cold and wet outside last night we went to one of the local malls, where we met my cousin P and her two daughters K and A. There were quite a few stores handing out candy. G was in awe of all the kids and the costumes. Before we went we stopped at my parents for some pizza and pumpkin pie. My mom and dad were going to a costume party (not sure if they actually went) and had two clown costumes. So of course G seen them and had to try on the wig and shoes. He really didn't like the wig but we managed to get a good pic of him with it on and the shoes....lol :)
G didn't do to bad at the mall either. I say this b/c he didn't take a nap all day. So I thought for sure we'd get there and have to leave right away but nope...he made it! We had a lot of fun, there were some great costumes and all the kids seem to be having a ball.
We got home about 6:30pm and decided it wasn't to late to hand out candy. It was cold but I seen some kids outside on the way home, we only had 4 groups of kids come to the house. I felt bad for them so I gave them handfuls of candy, if I hadn't we'd have to much candy around the house. I'd probably end up with a cavity.;)

G at Grandma's house trying on her costume...



G showing off at Grrandma's house...the costume has little white mittens too but he would not keep them on. I figured the hat was pushing it enough. :)



Just getting to the mall...G was so apprehensive....



What's going on Mom?



G's cousins K and A.....G was suppose to be in this pic but he started crying and ran to me.



After a while G took off his hat too. We all thought it was funny that K was holding G's spider hand...lol. He looks a little confused.



G and his daddy...look at all the kids...OMG! It was busy!

Friday, October 30, 2009

We're so bummed....

Today is just icky! A took the day off so we could take G to a pumpkin patch and go on a hay ride but the weather is gross! It's actually not that cold just raining and gloomy. Tomorrow it's suppose to be in the 40's with more rain so I guess we have to go after Halloween. Yesterday A took G for a walk to our neighbors, he had a ton of leaves so A let G jump in them. The quality is not that great but I thought the picture was cute. To me it looks like G is trying to get out of them, he is kind of a neat freak so many being in a pile of leaves was not his thing...lol.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Wordless Wednesday....

My baby is getting so big....







Monday, October 19, 2009

Whazzzz up

Hi everyone, sorry about the long hiatus! I was just preoccupied with life...lol. Not much going on this way, just working and taking care of a very active 20 month old. We've been getting calls about placements but they are not what we can handle right now. I think I've turned down 4 sibling groups. Just to give you an idea one was for a 4 month old and an 18 month old, I can't imagine chasing a 20 month old and an 18 month old while holding a 4 month. Another was for a 3 year old girl and her 5 year old sister, this one the SWer left a msg on my cell phone but I accidentally skipped it and didn't get it for three days. I guess that wasn't meant to be. So we are getting some action just not what we want. I think if spring rolls around and we still don't have a placement we might discuss a sibling group, we'll see what happens.
BTW, A is trying to convince me to switch to our agencies domestic adoption program. It's the same one we use to adopted G but honestly I don't know where we would get the money. And after such a roller coaster ride with G's BM, I'm not sure I can handle being matched and having to wait it out again. But I guess that is also an option if things don't work out through Foster Care.