It's the 1st...

That means SM and SR's BP's are going to family court. I'm kind of bummed that I can't go but as soon as I hear something I'll post an update. I can't go b/c I do not have a babysitter. If it were last week A's aunt would have been able to watch them but she goes back to work tomorrow and my mom works Mondays. If A were back from FL he could take some time off of work so I could go but he will not be back until Wednesday. Yeah, not sure if I mentioned...A has been out of town on business since the 24th. I'm surprised how well I've managed being a 'single mom' for over a week. Thankfully I've had a lot of help!

I believe tomorrows hearing will determine whether or not the twin's BPs rights will be terminated. I spoke with them last week and I wished them luck. They really want the girls but it doesn't look good b/c of BM's past terminations. I just hope that no matter what happens the girls are ok. They are the priority here!

Well, I'm off to bed. I hope I sleep better than last night but it's not looking good...lol

Night....

New Family Pictures

On this day, G was being a handful. It was actually quite stressful, I'm surprised our photographer was able to get some good ones....




This is one of my mom's favorites...look at our big ol' mouths...lol.

Bawling like a baby!!!

So last night, I was crying like a baby. I watched the season finale of Teen Mom...can I just say I love Catelynn and Tyler. They are so mature and so strong. I'm totally in awe of them. It was so cute when Tyler told her to wear her homecoming dress to dinner. And then when he asked her to marry him....OMG, he was so sincere, I just wanted to give him a big hug. It was very touching, I couldn't help but cry.
It just makes me realize even more the emotions BP's go through. I've always had a deep respect for G's BM but now I love her even more because I can imagine the pain and happiness she has felt the last couple years.

J...we love you!

This is my so my son.....

G's new name is Stewie!

He is well rounded....;)

I've been wanting to blog for a few days. But I've been so busy and once I'm ready to log on, I'm so tired. I have a couple videos of G that I've been wanting to post. He is growing up so fast, I try to catch everything. Enjoy...







Since this video, I've been pitching to G and he is a great batter. The bat he is now using is really small or short but he still hits the ball good. For his birthday next month, I'm going to buy him a wider, longer bat. He's a natural!

2010

I finally have time to wish everyone a Happy New Year. I know it's late but better late, than never...lol.

I'm writing this from the confines of my bedroom. It seems like I just move from my couch to my bed, usually with three children in tow. As I write that I realize what a lucky lady I am! It took us 8 years to achieve parenthood and now we have a son and two girls. I'm lucky that I get to spend so much time with my son and our foster children SM and SR.

But the truth is, I don't know how I'm suppose to feel about the twins. Am I suppose to let myself have feelings for them? Or do I keep them at a distant so my heart will not break if they end up leaving us? At times, I feel like a lucky lady but mostly my luck comes at a huge cost. I've had my heart broken too many times to count, what's one more...right? SM and SR deserve to be loved by someone and that happens to be my family. It's not their fault that their BM made some serious mistakes and it's not their fault that I'm a infertile with a fragile heart.

It's interesting to think about fate or destiny on this journey. Is it fate that they are here? Or will it be fate if they have to go home? I wish I had the answers. I just know that I'm tired of all these so called test, and I'm extremely tired of being labeled "a strong woman." I'm not all that strong. And I've, well really we've been though way to much to have to endure more heartache.

In real life I try not to think about all the details. I try to live or think on the surface, sometimes being "deep" is not all what it's cracked up to be. Think about it, on the surface I'm a happily married woman with three beautiful children. Sounds good, looks good....I wish I could leave it at that!

My point is I'm scared poopless...and can't wait for Feb. 1st, that's the next court date.