This is my second post tonight and may not be my last. Although I am starting to fight sleep.
At 9:01am on February 16,2008 our son G was born. He weighed 6lbs 7oz. and he was 19.5 inches long. I remember the week before he was born we didn't hear anything from his BM, I was seriously worried that she had decided not to place and disappeared. G was due on the 19th, our SWer called on Friday the 15th to tell us that even though he hadn't heard from J, he was taking all the necessary docs home with him just 'in case'. Well, the next day I was working when I got 'the call' of a lifetime. Our SWer was on the other end, the minute I heard his voice I could hear the excitement. He explained that our baby boy was born and that we could visit him at the hospital the next day. J never felt the need to meet us, we were hoping that would change once the baby was born but nope...she wanted us to wait until she was discharged. OMG, the next 24 hrs were CRAZY! We were so excited, we couldn't sleep.
I love to think about the story of how G came in to our lives. He is my heart, I can't imagine my life without him. A and I were just talking about how much joy he has brought into our lives. I am so proud to be is mother and everyday I try my hardest to be the best mom I can be.
I'm going to share the whole story with you but right now take a look at some hospital pictures of G. My little king!
On this day my heart started beating for G....
We couldn't stop staring at him, definitely love at first sight.
I could post way more hospital pics but I'll stop. Our next feat was getting him home in a MI blizzard. I remember we brought a little snowsuit that totally didn't fit him. But what did we know...hehehehe. We ended up taking it off and covering him in blankets. This is him ready to go home with us....
Some of you already know but I'm going to tell this part of the story again. We were on cloud nine all the way home. Once at home we had plenty of family/friends stop over to meet G. We were proud parents, life finally turned around for us and our family was complete! After all we were trying to become parents for 8 long years. I vividly remember my guard finally coming down. I always had a pessimistic attitude, IVF never felt right to me. I hate that I felt/feel that way but it's true. Some where deep inside I never thought IVF would work for us. I feel my body isn't meant to carry a child. This was different. When I picked up G for the first time I felt the Lord speak to me. I know some of you may not believe me but I'm serious. He said 'this is who I made you wait for'. At that very same time I felt my heart ache disappear, I felt the burden of being barren lifted, I felt my spirit being raised up....I felt the tight grip of infertility become loose...my son was home.
Then after 5 days glorious days, we got 'the call'....this call is one that you pray you never get. It was our SWer, again I could hear his emotion in his tone. This time it was of sadness..he said 'D, I can't believe this is happening.' With that one statement I knew what was to come. In a half hour he was at our house picking up G. A came home and my parents rushed over, we were all a wreck. J called Bethany and told her SW that she could not go through with the adoption plan. She said she did not want any questions asked, she just wanted her baby back. When our SW got to our home, I was a mess. I was crying and screaming. I just wanted to run away with my son. How could this be happening to us. After everything we had been through, now more heart break. I told our SW, that God spoke to me, I said 'God does not lie', 'he told me this is my son and this is who I've been waiting for'. Mind you I'm crying hysterically as I'm telling him this. He even started to shed a tear and reassured me that he would do everything in his might to find us another baby. I told him no....'G is meant to be ours'. He didn't believe me and took him away. After he left I screamed b/c my heart was going with G...I was empty. As I remember this I'm crying, I'm crying b/c I will never forgot that pain. One minute I'm a mother and the next our son was gone. This is a picture of the day he left our home....
If you notice the carseat is not ours, that was the one our SW brought from Bethany.
G left our home on a Friday, I knew Bethany was closed for the weekend. I don't know why but I hated that it was the weekend. A and I stayed at home under our covers. We just cried and cried. A stayed home an extra couple days, he went back to work that Wednesday. Once G was gone thoughts of J calling Bethany again kept creeping into my mind. Every time our phone rang I would go running, hoping and praying that it was our SWer. I was online about 22 hours a day, looking for hope and support. I was in the deepest darkest place I had ever been. However, I was never mad at J, I could understand how her heart must of felt. I didn't want a child that someone could not give to me whole heartedly but that didn't mean I was ok, I was a mess. Every part of my being ached. Wednesday night I ended up staying up until 4am crying and praying to God to help me through this, somehow I finally fell asleep. At 9am on Thursday I was lying in my bed, again asking God for strength. I needed to get out of bed and make it through another day. I just didn't have any energy, I wanted to lay there all day. Around 10:30am the phone rang, I looked at the caller id and seen Bethany Christi...that's exactly how it looks on my caller id. I answered it...
A woman said 'Hello, is this D?'
I said, 'Yeah'
Woman said 'This is Nancy, I'm Ken's (our SWer) boss. Ken is not in the office but this is important therefore I thought I better call you. We've been talking with J since yesterday, we felt we had to be sure b/c of what she did to you and your husband.'
I said 'Ok'
Nancy said, 'J would like to know if you would like G back.'
I said, 'Are you, kidding....of course we will take him back.'
After that it was pretty much a blur. I know that A beeped in, I was freaking out so he knew something exciting happened. When I could finally speak clearly and tell him everything, he said 'I'm on my way home'!!!!
J wanted to finally meet us. We scheduled to meet her at Bethany at 1pm. We had to wait for two hours, we were on pins and needles. I kept thinking what if my phone rings again and she changes her mind again. OMG, that was an awful feeling. I just wanted to turn the clock ahead. We were at Bethany promptly at 1pm, we were super nervous b/c we had never met J before. She was there with her mother and G. She is a beautiful girl, as she handed G to me....she said 'He is now yours to keep', as tears were falling from her cheeks to the ground. I was crying to. It was bittersweet, I was crying tears of joy for us but also tears of sadness for her. I will never forget our one and only meeting. I love J for giving us the gift of life.
In the end, I know that God laid his hands on me the day I met G. G's story is exceptionally special to me, I learned that God in fact didn't lie to me. G is and was always meant to be my son. Our SW told us that BCS had to have a staff meeting before we came in b/c they never had a BM change her mind twice. We were the first....thanks to God!
So here are a couple of picture of our son on 2/15/09. We celebrated his bday a day early and we had a great turn out. Our family/friends cherish the story of how G joined our family and they were over the moon when we were reunited.
10 hours ago